And now 4 somethin completely different...

[Vixon/Fiz]

Ok, time 4 som funnies with a look at som my favorite jokes (that i can remember). "I no, dont giv up ya day job Vix!"

What do lawyers & sperm hav in common?
1 in 50 million hav a chance of becomin human!

What do tornadoes and marriage hav in common?
Both start with alot of sucking and blowing, but then u lose your house!

Just started using Viagra eyedrops - my eyes r skrewed but i look hard!

Isnt it odd u scream AAAAAAHH! in a library & peeps just stare at u, but if u do the same thing on a plane, people join in!

(and finally, 1 for the gals)
Men r like a deck of cards, u need a heart 2 love him, a diamond 2 marry him, a club 2 smash his fuckin brains in, & a spade 2 bury the bastard!

Vix

[Gethryon]

Hahaha, awesome dude :D

Here are a few posts, taken from http://www.textsfromlastnight.com (basically text messages which are considered "epic" or "legendary" and people post them on the site. Genuinity is a question, but they're fun anyhow :D)

(401)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

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(617):
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
(508):
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

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(570):
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

(1-570):
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

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(775):
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

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(541):
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

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(973):
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

(1-973):
Guess she heard her killer coming

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(541):
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

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(410):
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

(443):
wasted?

(410):
im pocohantasssss

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(508):
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

(1-508):
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

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(519):
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

[Vixon/Fiz]

rofl! awesom stuff

[ScottOOO]

After coming out of my final quantum physics exam today my friends asked me how I found the paper.

They couldn't believe it when I said that it was easy.

It was just sitting on the desk when I got there.
_____________________________________________


I wasn't sure about my new beard at first, but its grown on me.

_____________________________________________

Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids.

I won!

No one's a match for me and my kettle.

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If you hit a child at 30mph, theres an 80% chance he will live.
If you were traveling at 40mph, there's a 100% chance you would have drove past him before he even crossed the road.

Think - Speed saves lives.

[merrick]

you'll like this one ooo :P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dnf6ib823vM&feature=fvst

[ScottOOO]

yea thats pretty much my last joke in video form

[Daelroth]

I laughed at the kettle one. XD
I had a joke, but forgot it. >_<

[ScottOOO]

I've recently decided to freeze myself to -273ºC.

My wife thinks I'll die, but I think I'll be 0K
__________________________________________

Cocaine is never a solution.

Unless of course, you dissolve it in water.
_________________________________________
Lost your tree?

Why not nail a picture of it to your dog?
__________________________________________

[tinyrock]

2 little sperms having a discussion inside a lady's body.

one is asking "say, do u know the way to the womb?"

the other answers "iam not sure, but i think we just past the tonsils"